okok..

this entry is specially posted to thank my sisters.. yue rong n yue hui.. for giving me a kiss on my bday..
ya.. n for those who stay late n accompany me de.. louis, kenneth, alan, wan jun, siqi, yue hui n my cousin, han chien..
especially my sis n cousin help me clear up n carry the present..

thank you..

Over le..

21 years old n 1 day le.. hee..

it was a tiring day for me.. cos needa smile all the time.. really smile dao my mouth suan lor.. being a host is not dat easy.. really.. though no needa do anything.. is jus walk ard..
but still tiring.. but i think my hospitality is not dat gd.. think got hu lie some of u..
i dunno how the food like.. cos i jus eat some left over.. hope the food is still ok ba..
erm.. think wat i dun really like is the location ba.. cos i dunno how to guide all of u come..
so pai seh sia.. hai u all alight the wrong stop n keep turning ard changi in the cab.. sry..

thank all of u for taking ur time n come to the chalet.. hee.. happy to see quite alot ppl yesterday.. n able to see some of the old frens.. miss u all alot.. hee..
the only thing dat make me sian 1/4 is in the end no one stay.. think i din ask u all stay dat's y.. haha.. so how's no one stay? cannot jus leave siqi n me staying there de ma..
so we also leave lor.. den this morning i went back again n check out lor.. haha..

to advice those who wanna bk chalet for celebrating.. jus make sure got ppl stay in the end..
so u will not waste the chalet.. haha..

have this experience le.. think i will never do such thingy again..
cos i jus not suitable to do all this thingy..
having a simple celebration is den suitable for me ba.. haha..

overall i am still happy.. haha.. cos 1st time gather all my frens, poly frens, sec frens, club frens n vball frens n help me celebrate bday.. like the feeling when seeing so many of u.. hee.. haha..
i jus like crowd ba.. cos maybe i jus afraid of alone ba.. hee.. thank you all my frens pei me..

thank you for all the presents..
i wanna thank..
my mum for the necklace n the buffet..
my sis n her bf for the bag n the cake..
my cousin - han chien for the mug..
my cousins - yue gui n yue e for the watch..
my aunt, my cousin - shu xia n my mum's frens for the ang baos..

my poly frens
- huixian, miko, fang ru n serene for the accessories..
- tingyi for the volleyball..

(too many to list out one by one)
cadc's frens
- wild for the bag..
- guts for the wallet..
- punk for the interesting gumball machine..
- cynthia, li hua, ling hui n su yong for the wallet..

my best frens
- xiao hui n siqi for the photoframe, the friendships medal, the cow, the figuring,
the "bling bling" necklace, the handmade card n notes..
- wan ting, rui ting, peiying, elvina n pei shan for the box of money.. haha..

sry if i haf miss out anyone.. so once again thank you all..
i have posted the pic in my msn space.. http://spaces.msn.com/zhen-xi/photos/

BIRTHDAY

1st i wanna wish a happy birthday to my dad.. his bday is on 19 april.. ya.. is jus over.. hee.. din haf much celebration jus bought a cake for him.. oh ya.. for my family rite.. we din really celebrate de.. so got a cake is already gd enough le.. hee.. took some pic.. if wanna see, can go my msn space and take a look.. but the pic got abit blur.. see from the d cam or from the hardcopy.. i find myself quite nice in the pic.. hee..

ok.. now wish myself an advance happy birthday.. hee.. tml is my 21st birthday.. got abit excited.. cos put some effort in this birthday celebration.. from my previous blog can see dat i am quite stress in this birthday preparation.. cos i really hope everything can go well.. hope tml will be fun.. though i din plan any games or wat.. fun in a way dat nothing crop up.. hee..

any wishes for myself..
alot of u ask me wat i wan for my bday.. i really dunno.. cos wat i wan.. i already haf.. like hp, mp3.. got some lah.. but think u all cant affort n i dun wish anyone to buy me those.. cos i wanna get it myself.. think in one of the past entry.. i haf mention it.. i wanna a black car(real one).. den now i wan a laptop cos my this laptop think going to die soon..
things dat i wan.. usually i will like to get it myself de.. so frens.. pls dun get me this.. haha..

i haf wishes still.. but this is not those physical items.. so think no one can get for me also ba.. haha.. i wish everyone can be happy always.. i wish i can de dao wo de xin fu.. i wish all my wishes can come true.. hee.. this 3 wishes think r standard wishes for me every years.. haha.. unless i get my xin fu le.. if not.. i wont change ba..
erm.. i jus rmb something.. last yr's wish din come true.. haha.. i wont say wat wish..
so i can say wish is jus a wish.. it wont really come true de.. haha.. jus wish for an wei or for show ba..

hey siqi n xiaohui.. thank for u all de plan.. but think ur 1st plan fail.. sry i din corporate.. cos think i still dun haf the confidence.. n the most impt is i dunno wat the outfit like.. i really not into those sexy one ba.. it really shock me.. haha.. think only siqi noe dat.. haha.. but still thank for the plan.. so now wat i can say is proceed to ur 2nd plan ba.. hee..

advice:
those who wanna buy me something.. erm.. try not to get thing dat i dun like ba.. wat is thing dat i dun like lei? think u all should noe ba.. if not.. jiu kao ur feeling lor.. hee.. but think i now say all this.. got abit late.. hee..

now

everyday wake up naturally.. after wash up, watch tv.. den on my com.. online whole day.. i noe no one will be there.. but i jus wait.. jus for an wei.. finally wait dao le.. but ya is jus a an wei.. or can say is jus a an xin.. cos cant do much thing le.. i wont expect much.. seeing is there is enough.. i will she de leave when is offline.. i dunno y.. maybe is no point staying also.. i am jus stupid.. wat for wait at 1st.. cos in the end also like dat ar..

everyday i live with no goal.. no life.. i am jus rotting at hm.. frens r working.. studying.. they haf life.. i dun haf.. i am jus a shit.. i wanna a job but i cant find.. i wanna life but i cant find.. maybe i am not mature enough.. i cant think well.. i am too yi lai le..

i wanna say out.. i wanna say all my feeling.. but i find myself too fan le.. n say out also no point.. rite? though i really wanna u to noe.. think u maybe also can guess dao ba.. i jus can say dat the 1st one is to remind myself.. 2nd one is saying myself.. 3rd is my feeling for a particular moment.. 4th is also toking abt me.. think this is obvious.. haha.. think u not interested in this le.. but i jus put it here lor.. cos i feel abit bad dat i din say out when u wanna noe.. ya.. dat's all.. i wont tell my feeling like past anymore(cos is very fan-ing.. i noe dat).. though i wish i can.. now i will keep to myself again.. but sometime my blog will haf some zhu shi ma ji de.. haha.. cos this is the only place dat i can fa xie out le..

our last event has jus over.. FO round up..
it seems to be a normal round up we usually haf.. but i noe the feeling is not the same.. all of u seems she bu de.. specially when yuan da gives us the thank you card.. it is sweet.. i really appreciate it.. jus dunno how to show the appreciation to him also.. so jus return him a "thank you".. i noe it may not show any sincerity.. but this "thank you" is really from my heart.. i will keep the card.. i will not forget all of u.. i promise.. it is sad that we, punk r going to the separate way.. but our spirit will still bond together.. n never separate.. i wanna say.. u guys rox.. memories wif u guys will never be forget.. punk once.. always a punk..

night goes fast.. last night after round up.. we suppose going to ktv wif the other but we suddenly last min change our plan.. cos some of my year de not really into ktv.. sry raphael n cong de.. we din able to join u all.. hope u all got enjoy ur ktv session last night.. where did we go then? we go watch 2.20am movie in The Cathay.. "Eight Below" is a nice, touching n sad show.. is base on true story.. is a recommended movie.. the dogs r so ke lian.. siqi n ros cried.. i almost cry but i din.. my tear is rolling in my eyes only.. i rate this movie 4 stars..

ya.. the new cinema theatre, The Cathay.. 1st time going there.. the sound system is quite gd.. the seat is comfortable.. the screen is wide.. but got abit cold.. dunno is becos too late le n not many ppl there.. there got sell kachang puteh, pizza, pasta n other that u wont found in other cinema.. the atmosphere is cool, nice.. so ppl if u tot of watch movie, u may try The Cathay.. not bad..

ya.. b4 we watch our movie.. we sneak into another theatre which showing "art of seduction", a korean movie.. think is a comedy.. quite funny.. the actress farted in the car when the actor is sending her home.. is so pai seh sia.. den somemore is a smelly gas.. haha.. but too bad i dun really like korean show cos i dun understand.. so think i wont watch this movie ba..

y cant do thing for myself? really cant i?
hey shit.. wat for question me.. do i noe u anyway?
i like to do.. so wat..

think i really is a stress kid.. every little single thing will get me stress..
prepare for my own bday will also feel dat stress..
think brain really going to tied up soon..

but i got abit worry.. really..
worry abt the attendance and others here n there..
predict wat will happen dat day.. predict all the bad thingy happen..
ya.. if my prediction is so gd.. den i wont be here worry all this thing..
i am jus pessimistic..

i should be more optimistic.. rite?
everything will be fine.. rite?
i must enjoy.. i will try my best to be the host..
cos dat is my day.. which my mum give birth to me 21st year ago.. haha..

i shouldnt keep drilling the cow's horn(zhuan niu jiao jian).. haha..
though i am double cow.. taurus and born in ox year.. haha.. so i always say i am shuang niu zuo de.. haha..
let it be.. usually thing wont change to the way u expect/want..
but y everything i will find reasons to an wei myself? but when time pass i will still think back again..
wat a stupid me..
i am jus a liar to myself.. haha..
i dun like liar but i am a liar.. it's jus contradicting.. haha..

a liar ended her blog for today

my bday is coming soon..
this afternoon jus finish painting my banner.. have to thank siqi.. is nice man.. specially the star n wing.. haha.. thank alot girl.. ya.. also thank eileen and yiyang for lending me the paint and key..

i have done wif my banner.. think my cake, my sis n mum also ordered.. then now is buffet and some deco deco..

jus agar agar counted.. the ppl i invited not dat many also..

sat round up.. feel abit awkward to go now.. we r jus nobody there ba.. i think.. nvm.. jus treat it as normal lor.. is really our last event.. really..

y i always in delimma? y words come out from my mouth is not the same from my heart.. sometime my mind also have 2 thinkings.. which is wrong? which is correct? sometime i jus confused.. haha.. maybe becos heart n mind got 2 parts ba..

sometime really wanna noe the feeling behind? but i never know n think no one knew it also..

from today onwards i am a grad..
i have done wat i suppose to do for club..
finish this last FO..
next time going back will be consider as grad..

it dont have a happy ending..
everyone leave with unhappiness..
everything seem not right..
thought everyone can enjoy this last FO.. but it is jus totally opposite..

it is damn tiring.. it links to attitude.. den link to unhappiness..

first time seeing my yr not dat bonded.. thing happened jus like dat..
i dunno whether it affect all our mood.. but i noe dat after thing happened.. everyone seems to be change.. no mood..

we cried.. 1st time i cry during FO.. not becos it is the last FO.. but it is really sad when thing happened.. i dunno y i cant control.. no one expect thing will happen.. no one wish.. maybe is becos of this we jus break down.. a disappointment.. we cant really done well the last thing together for club..

frankly speaking.. this is the most tiring FO i have ever done.. n i done it quite unhappily.. it is a sad thing for me cos the last thingy i can do for this club ji ran done in this mood..

now i going to another stage of my life alone.. everything repeated itself.. i needa adapt to a new life and new ppl again.. hopefully everything will change to the better.. btw i got into ntu.. i should be happy.. ya.. if my initial reason still valid.. now i will feel abit excited is becos i can stay at the hostel.. but this reason seem to be pointless..

sometime i wish the someone will be there for me when i need to share my feeling..
sometime fren n family is jus cant be the one..
is only can be the special someone..
but now there is no one there for me.. i am jus helpless..